I am really good at keeping secrets. Sometimes, I keep secrets from myself, never accepting some or acknowledging some fleeting truths, and conveniently forgetting secrets about myself that I have chanced upon.
T-chen is a secret I have kept for about 2 and a half years now. However, he occupies a few recesses and perhaps even the hypothalamus of my brain. We have been together since sometime in August 2012 . He is a nice guy. a kind sensitive soul. a curious bear. with a loud uninhibited laughter. infectious happiness. He says that the guiding force of his life is love. and this makes him a very special person. He has supported me through several bad phases. even now, prodding me to shine, while still allowing me to enjoy a lull. T-chen shares my sorrows, holds me when I am sad, listens to me earnestly when I have no words, and lets me enjoy his undivided attention when it is not occupied by books. He tries constantly and succeeds well in understanding what it is like to be female on this planet at this time. He is politically environmentally socially conscious. And the universe is a better place because he is here.
His eyes are dark blue with a tinge of grey, which twinkle and become smaller when he smiles. His hair is dark brown but gets lighter in summer. He has this habit of brushing back his hair with his hand that keeps falling to his forehead like he is one of the Beatles. He does not like this at all. He is very tall and I have to go on my toes to kiss him when we are both standing up. He smells and feels like home.
I love my T-chen.
Who is T-chen? I keep finding out each day, even now, when he has gone away for a while. I realize what his presence did to me when he is absent, and this way, I note something about him that I hadn’t before. I also learn things about myself, in this life with him. I would like to continue finding out who T-chen is.
I’ve just had a very inspiring idea for myself!need time off but need that to be educational time!
month time off (why to follow any of society’s codes including that of structuring time) of self-education doing things I don’t otherwise do or have had to do or gotten a chance to yet!
There could be many things but here are some ideas
– a short apprenticeship with a mechanic where I can learn to fix bikes and cars
– a short apprenticeship with a potter!
– Some time off in the Himalayan farm where I had gone to stay briefly last year.I could learn to do some hardcore farming, permaculture,
– Bajao the flute!
There was a sad defeated moment. But a song my mind hummed. This one.
A happy friend, buzzing on Old Monk, jumping around the room, playing a djembe and singing aloud this song. Joy is back. and he bought along hope.
The title has not much to do with this entry. Its just that I am writing this in a quiet library but am really holding my bum together since its hinting to me of a growing presence of its need to fart. So really, lets not fart in 2014. But thats among other things to be done and not done in the year.
Here it goes again. Another list of Resolutions is going to be made. I am going to call it Bucket list this time, for no particular reason but just because it sounds more of a thong that a movie would be made on.
So here it is.
BUCKET LIST FOR 2014
1. Leave Delhi once every month (I wonder if it can be adjusted to 12 times in the year. better if not, but we’ll see.)
2. Get a Car Driver’s License (International, yes bro thats how I roll)
3. Get my Diver’s license (As opposed to car diver, which would be not a good idea , at all.) in Open water diving from the Andamans.
4. Do something for someone else atleast one hour every week (This happened for a while last year until I abandoned as usual. 😐 )
Better be specific. I would like to read for visually challenged student/s in my University.
5. Give Deutsch A1 exam (and pass, I guess)
6. Be regular for Deutsch A2 kurs (if all the logistical factors of this remain as they are- this needs a separate blog entry yougaiz, I am so good at keeping secrets, partly because I don’t write here at all. )
7. Blog regularly. Lets be specific. Twice a week.
Constantly Consistently work on the Mphil. Read everyday. Have a system.
9. Make a personal jour fixe for every week, balancing work, academics and fun. Stick.
10. Write letters and postcards to friends, family and lovers.Send two every week.
11. Be on top of finances. Invest wisely. Think before spending.
12. Skype with family every week. Call Thatha Pati,Pati and other parivaar every once in a while.
13. Every month, two non academic books.
14. Yoga. at Uni. Chaque jour. Pas weekends. 🙂
15. Dance. as always. as forever.
16. Explore Madhya Pradesh thoroughly.
17. Flute? Flute. Hmmm. Lets keep it here.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I have come across some very useful gyaan (TERMINOLOGY: gyaan- knowledge/ advice (Hindi)) about life and the state of things as they are in the world and think it might be nice of me to dispense it to you guys.
I should like to give credit to my friend Gilgamesh who is the creator of this theory and also in this process am attempting to set him up with any women who read this (only because thats how he leans though I think guys should try too).
So the theory goes like this —
Most things in life are like a bus stop.
You wait at the bus stop for ages and forever, but there wouldn’t be any sign of the bus. But suddenly, after forever, 3-4 buses come together one after the other, and confuse you about which one to take. If you board a bus, can you get off before the final destination? How committed are you expected to be to the bus? Can other people board the bus? Will the bus get moody and break down on the way? What if the bus isn’t going where you want to go? Would you do best to leave all the buses and take your own private vehicle even if that means cycling alone for miles?
Or do you take a chance?
Its in your hands, your mind, your heart. It is in you.
EXplore, Dream , Discover
Anyway, the point was that as Gilgamesh has profoundly pointed out, Life is like a bus stop. Whether you apply it to work, education, passions, love lives, oppportunities, or anything that might not even matter at all. Are you taking a chance?
Are you boarding a bus?
Shangri-la is an imaginary remote paradise on earth.A remote and secluded hideaway of great beauty and peacefulness. Correction : Its not imaginary.
I was just there.
A bunch of my friends and I went for a trek to the Himalayas along with a trekking group.We scaled Sar Pass at 13800 feet which over looks the Parvati Valley. The Himalayas in its quiet snow-clad peaks makes one listen to their own inner voice.Each of us had new experiences, secured new bonds and friendships, new ideas,new insights.The beauty all around , the snow,the greenery,the waterfalls,streams,the countless stars, the oh-so-impossibly photoshop blue sky and the fresh air keeps everyone in good spirits.It can make you appreciate nature and make us realize what we are loosing.It can give us answers that we have always had within us.It can make difficult decisions easy to take and accept.
Its not just the atmosphere that does this to you.Its the people around. Our fellow trekkers came from different fields and belonged to different age groups and different parts of the country.They all had wonderful qualities and love for nature.We would trek together for hours , discuss philosophies and issues that are important to us,learn from each other, support and cheer each other. We encountered some heroes too. These were the lady porters who carried the rucksacks for some trekkers.The would trek up all the way from their village way below and be at our campsite before we leave each morning.After we reached our next higher campsite, they would go back all the way again to their village and walk back once more in the morning.All this with such a cheerful demeanor.
This trek taught a lot of things. Every place has something to give and teach us.And so do it’s people.
It was definitely a welcome change from the fast never-ending circuit life that we lead in the cities.For a change , there was no 8.03 train to catch. It just never mattered what the time was. There was no cell phone,no facebook or internet, no news to occupy your mind and time.
Most importantly, there was time for oneself. To think. and the surroundings were such that gave you clarity.There was love for the world.And love for one-self found.
I made peace with myself. I believe again.
The english department of my college recently released its annual magazine, Ithaka.
The name of the magazine is taken from a wonderful poem by C.P. Cavafy called Ithaka. The poem is truly inspirational and reveals what the real stuff of life is. Just thought everyone should benifit so here it is. 🙂
As you set out for Ithaka
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
angry Poseidon-don’t be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
wild Poseidon-you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.
Hope your road is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you enter harbors you’re seeing for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind-
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and go on learning from their scholars.
Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you’re destined for.
But don’t hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you’re old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn’t have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you’ll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.
—by Constantine P Cavafy