So the New Year 2011 has started and along comes time to make resolutions. Its not like I think 1/1 every year is like a big deal to be making mega-changes in life. But my Appa has always loved to make the family sit down and write down resolutions for the year. So I thought it wouldn’t do much harm to make some.
That and the return to an old vice called cigarettes (occasional) in the last month and a half (after an abstinence of 1 year and 3 weeks btw) has made me do some thinking in the lines of being a quitter.
Now I must confess I am an occasionally indulge in alcohol and some weed as well. So I decided I had to quit something. and thus began a soliloquy.
ok. so I’ve got to give up atleast any two of the three. Alcohol maybe? and Cigarettes. But I can’t!can’t? what do I mean I can’t?! How can some external substance control my actions and leave me to believe that I cannot have enough fun without it on a night out with friends? When I first smoked a cigarette , and drew in my first drag off a joint, I din’t think I would need to write down a resolution regarding these.
These are definitely not part of my every day life. not even every week. But it infuriates me to know that I rely a little on these to stop thinking, get warm , get lose , start thinking , complete a thought, feel like I am flying….
But If I promise to give up something , its a promise to myself.And breaking a promise to myself is so not cool.
I am afraid of failing myself.
But eventually , your truly concluded that she will quit the cigarettes(sigh..) and the alcohol (ohhh maaan.)
Evidently I am not happy about this. But its good to always challenge oneself. So this must be done. done.