After the moment of orgasm, there is a greater realization of the face of the lover. But if the lover is not the beloved, there is such a discord, my mind deserts my body for a while.
There is a path. Then there is another path. The uncertainty and new-ness of that path is enticing. But soon after, there is a realization that that path is actually in the same wood as the first path. The new path I have attempted also does not give me the assurance, comfort and sense of home that the first path brought me. It did for a while entice and excite me, but soon I began to seek and remember the sublime sun-kissed joy of the first path in these woods. It was not always the same, it changed colours, the path had green tress sometimes, yellow and pink at other times. But it always gave me joy, a lot of shade, grassy burrows to rest in and most-importantly, just seeing it flourish in happiness, makes me happy.
In this moment, as I write my dissertation, I am attempting to speak about personal meandering spatial imaginations. But as I explore new spaces, I am losing sight of home.
But I want to tell home, that oh dear home
I am only going for a stroll,
would like to be away for a short while
to freshen up my mind and be with myself.
With my thoughts cluttered, I am unable to say this
all I have is an uncertain whisper.
when I am back, I would like to fly upwards
and blossom with home.
in any way at all
in any way it will be.
Its been a little more than a couple of months that I have started writing my Mphil dissertation and there are a few things I would like to share about this experience. Since I am going to go through this beautiful distress of an Mphil only once in my lifetime, might as well keep some record of how this feels.
Mostly, It feels like shit. This life of discipline, where one needs to be working on the dissertation relentlessly, is not one I prefer. At the moment, I wake up every weekday at 6.30am to go for Yoga. Once I return and finish my daily chores, I head to the library to spend the entire day there till about 11pm. While some days are great, others suck. Sometimes I manage to write about 2000 words of this damned thing that no one will read. On other days, I write about 200 and read too much to make anything of it. Then there is the superfast wi-fi in the JNU library which entices people like yours truly to watch endless videos of stand up comics that make me existentially question my purpose on earth and music videos which I silent dance to in my seat in the library. Ofcourse, however the daygoes, its my own doing. Still, the routine of writing everyday about one topic, rather ranting for some 50000 words about something hat doesn’t really matter, makes me wonder what the point of this whole exercise is. Well, but like all things, it has been begun and so it must be wrapped up well, packed and put away.
This makes one feel like tossed cabbage. – Chopped up , high strung, damp, emotional. Actually I have no idea why I said it feels like cabbage-just felt like the right image.
I have exactly 1 month to finish everything. July 15th. 30 days to go.
PS. While I am at this, I also am continuing with Gati work. unbelievable really, the stuff I get myself into.
Oh and did I mention this is the summer of my mphil dissertation, which I am writing from Delhi, where its 45 degrees Celsius on a good day and 36 degrees at night.
Spring nights, the nip of winter is still in the air and a song keeps me company under the nearly full moon
A day full of insights. One of the most important insights from today was that I realized the purpose of my life.
1.The purpose of my life is to gather new experiences.
2.New experiences. An infant seeing people play Holi for the first time must totally be tripping adults looking ridiculous behaving absurd.
3. Played Holi in the morning in JNU. I love JNU for the place it is. Bhaang served in the hostel mess during breakfast, the entire campus tripping and it being absolutely acceptable to run around tearing one’s own shirt and throwing it up on a tree.
4. This has been my favourite best day in Delhi so far.
5. When a visually challenged student walks through Jhelum lawns while Holi is being celebrated in JNU, what does he/she perceive and sense? But Kazi says that colour also has frequencies and sounds. He hummed me a quick ‘aahhh’ which was supposed to be the sound for a green colour and indeed, his tone resonated of green. They can sense auras and waves of colour.
6. Holi is a great festival, especially to celebrate with one’s family and close friends. I like the Lall family where I was at all day today. They have a wonderful way of being on Holi, together, each inviting their own friends, and sharing their own friends with each other. accepting each other.
This is an excellent reply to the extremely misogynistic lyrics that not just pepper but mark the bulk of Yo Yo Honey Singh’s songs. Not only are they insensitive and derogatory to women’s issues in increasingly troubled times, but to me, is also something that rings alarm bells because of how popular his songs are. These songs with their catchy tunes are all the rage on Bollywood night and parties and even a very conscientious person could be caught swinging hips and lipsyncing like fish to words that render women worse than they are already treated in India.
Just to share with Kafila readers two wonderful performances against misogyny by two cool young women, Rene Verma and Vasundhara Kaul, putting down sexism with a light touch that cuts very deep indeed – take a look at the string of comments that follow Vasundhara’s performance , from scared and threatened men unable to deal with it.
These are already ‘going viral’ as they say – just wanted to add Kafila’s contribution to viralizing them!
Here’s Rene Verma taking on Honey Singh. Unfortunately we cannot skip the compulsory advertisement for Modi and His Technicolour Dream Coat That Costs as Much as a Small Village Hospital.
(Oh, okay, the ad seems to have gone now, but that coat – that coat!! Ain’t going nowhere, to use the slang of the land of Modi’s new unilateral BFF).
Here’s an interview with Rene Verma on The Ladies Finger:
I’ve always been invested…
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